i get knocked down a peg or two.
i have some serious unforgiveness issues. it took my husband suggesting a trip to minnesota to "make amends" with his family for me to realize it. my answer -- today -- was a resounding no. perhaps not just "no" but "hell no. no effin' way. uh-uh. i don't think so, buddy." obviously, not the answer my poor husband was hoping for much less expecting.
so as i sit here examining my heart, i have to ask myself "what's your problem?!" so many things came up that i didn't know were there: resentment, anger -- a lot of it, bitterness. at the root of it: unforgiveness. lord, how many times must i forgive my brother for offending me? seven times? jesus replied, seven times seventy times. ugh. god forgive me...i don't like that answer. ironic. the unforgiving asking for forgiveness. this is how god humbles me. daily. everyday -- i kid you not -- god reminds me again and again of the mercy he has shown. i haven't yet gotten what i deserve. my iniquities were borne by the one who was perfect, sinless and always, always forgave. seventy times seventy times seventy times he forgave.
conviction? yes. shame? no. desire to change? very much so. as i sit here putting the shoe on the other foot -- placing myself in my husband's position -- i know what i must do. go in the other room and ask first for my husband's forgiveness and then ask god to fill me with his spirit and show mercy to those who have offended me, and not in holier than thou way, but graciously and sincerely. how? by his grace.
i have some serious unforgiveness issues. it took my husband suggesting a trip to minnesota to "make amends" with his family for me to realize it. my answer -- today -- was a resounding no. perhaps not just "no" but "hell no. no effin' way. uh-uh. i don't think so, buddy." obviously, not the answer my poor husband was hoping for much less expecting.
so as i sit here examining my heart, i have to ask myself "what's your problem?!" so many things came up that i didn't know were there: resentment, anger -- a lot of it, bitterness. at the root of it: unforgiveness. lord, how many times must i forgive my brother for offending me? seven times? jesus replied, seven times seventy times. ugh. god forgive me...i don't like that answer. ironic. the unforgiving asking for forgiveness. this is how god humbles me. daily. everyday -- i kid you not -- god reminds me again and again of the mercy he has shown. i haven't yet gotten what i deserve. my iniquities were borne by the one who was perfect, sinless and always, always forgave. seventy times seventy times seventy times he forgave.
conviction? yes. shame? no. desire to change? very much so. as i sit here putting the shoe on the other foot -- placing myself in my husband's position -- i know what i must do. go in the other room and ask first for my husband's forgiveness and then ask god to fill me with his spirit and show mercy to those who have offended me, and not in holier than thou way, but graciously and sincerely. how? by his grace.
